Life After Break-Up: The Healing Process

By Khamaria Wright

I was on Instagram the other day and saw that singer, NeYo and his wife were getting a divorce. He was doing an interview about his relationship status and made a comment stating, “We are getting a divorce because my demons and her demons can’t mesh and it makes it impossible for us to stay married, or even be with anyone else”. As I was writing this blog, I thought to myself “what happened to healing your demons before getting into a relationship?” This led me to write about the importance of healing.

We’ve all heard that you must give yourself time in order to move forward with someone else. Although it may feel like it, a divorce doesn’t mean “the end”. Sometimes a break up can be a new beginning. It begins with finding out who you are, who you want to be, what you want to do, and a chance to look at what you’re gaining. Your past doesn’t necessarily dictate what is in store for your future. During this time try to focus on yourself and try to reset. You get to decide what your new purpose is and re-writing your story allows you to center yourself, and to separate yourself from negativity.

I remember hearing someone tell me “in order to get over a man, you have to get under another one”. Unfortunately, that piece of advice can lead us into bringing “old demons” into a new relationship. Taking time to heal allows you to give yourself the space to really focus on you and your self-worth. Going to therapy allowed me to decide what my boundaries are in future relationships. I also gained clarity on my new expectations and deal-breakers.

Also remember to put positive people in your corner. We have girlfriends that can encourage and give good advice, and we have those “knuck if you buck” girlfriends (if you know what I mean). Having a positive support system allows you to focus on your needs and not become overly focused on what your ex is doing, how they’re living, or projecting your anger onto them.