Life After Break-Up: Impact on Family pt 2

By Khamaria Wright

Divorce and break-ups not only impact you, it also impacts the children. I am a firm believer that your children know what’s going on and that they are emotionally in tune with the feelings in the family. I believe it’s important that you talk to your children about what’s going on because it’s not only a transition for you, it’s a transition for them as well.

Sometimes we feel that protecting children means not telling them anything. Instead of having age appropriate conversations with them, we may just “keep it moving”. It’s healthy to let them know about this transition and allow them to process their emotions and feelings about the relationship ending. It may be hard to remember during our own grief, but their feelings matter too especially if they shared a bond with our partner.

When children are left out of the loop it can make them feel alone, unheard, and confused. A good rule of thumb is to make sure you let your children know that you are always here for them, that they can always ask questions, and reassuring that you and your ex love them no matter what your relationship status is. In the last blog we discussed how any situational crisis, including a break-up, can impact a family from their normal functioning. It is okay to seek support from other family members and friends. Asking for help is a big part of healing.

Some healthy solutions that I encourage in my Divorce Seminars suggest keeping the same schedule for children because it keeps them on track and helps them to not feel as much of the change in the new relationship dynamic. Collaborating with your ex on scheduling is also important so the children can see that you are able to co-parent with each other. This type of collaboration models healthy behavior. Co-parenting allows the parents to put their differences aside while being supportive, solid objects for the children.

Please stay tuned for part 3 of the blog series where we shift the focus from Grief and the Impact on the Family, to the Healing Process.