Knowing Who You Are In Relationships

By Khamaria Wright

I’ve always been confident when it comes to loving myself (at least I thought I was). There was nothing anyone could say or do to knock me off my game. However, I remember being in a relationship where my love for self was tested.

Being with someone I thought loved and cared about me, turned into a relationship where I second guessed everything about myself. My looks, my personality, my intelligence, etc. were all challenged by someone who was miserable and wanted to “dim my light”. I started neglecting myself and became what “he thought I should be.” I literally lost myself and questioned everything I did. I went against my own beliefs and values to make him feel “okay” because I wanted to please my him.

At some point, I realized I didn’t know who I was anymore and that I lost my sense of self-worth. I settled so much that I forgot what it meant to really love and value myself. When I finally got “fed up,” I made a decision to choose myself for once. I decided to go to therapy.

When my therapist asked me “who are you?” l couldn’t even answer the question without bursting into tears. It finally dawned on me that this relationship, and trying to live up to other people’s expectations had taken a toll on me. I felt like a failure. Everyone looked at me in a certain light and I thought I had let them down. I assumed I had to change myself for this relationship in order to be accepted. (In reality, I was diminishing my own self-worth).

When my therapist then asked me, “Khamaria, what are your boundaries” and “Is this who you really are?” that’s when I knew it was time to do some soul searching. After going to therapy I realized that this relationship taught me what I want, and don’t want in a partner. It taught me the importance of how to set healthy boundaries, and how to identify red flags.

I learned so much about valuing myself and what I am willing to accept and not accept anymore. Therapy opened my eyes to so much and I am forever grateful for that experience. It taught me that I am more than enough.

Stay tuned for part 3: Knowing Who You Are in your Career