Knowing Who You Are in relation to Health and Body

by Khamaria Wright

I have never been skinny. In fact, I was okay with the way I looked until I started getting older and developing more. It wasn’t until I got on social media that I began to question my appearance.

I remember scrolling on Instagram and seeing everyone with these beach bodies. I thought to myself, “Omg I need to be skinny like her!” During this time, I was also in a toxic relationship with someone who was very critical of me. The criticism from this relationship made me very insecure about my body image. As a result, I started working out like crazy and I even considered changing other aspects of my body.

At the same time, I was feeding into my negative self-talk about being fat. I compared myself to other girls and believed that I couldn’t wear certain things because I wouldn’t look right wearing it. Every day I stepped on a scale and if I didn’t see that I lost weight I would beat myself up about it. I tried these crazy diets and would be sick as hell doing them because I wanted to do whatever it took to be “skinny”.

It’s crazy looking back at how much one person’s words affected me so much. All the self-doubt had caused me to feel like a failure. When I finally let go of this relationship, I had to do some self-reflection. I worked with a therapist who helped me define my own expectations and helped me avoid what others expected of me. Now I have awareness of how my self-esteem and self-worth had been challenged and criticized.

Helpful Hints to Promote Growth:

1. Therapy- Therapy saved my life. Sometimes you need a “reality check” to help you wake up and realize who you are. Remember a therapists’ job is not to change you, but help you reach the change you want for yourself.

2. Setting Boundaries- It is okay to say “No” and put yourself first. In the past, I was so focused on pleasing others that I neglected myself. Setting boundaries helps protect you when others don’t respect you. When you love and take care of yourself, others will know how to treat you.

3. Setting Realistic Goals/ Expectations- I’ve always struggled with trying to complete long-term goals in a short-term time frame. Break your long-term goals into smaller goals. You don’t have to accomplish them out of urgency. Your goals are yours and you don’t need the approval of others.

4. Self-Care- Healthy self-care is a must. If you don’t take care of yourself who else will? Making sure that you give yourself time and space to work on yourself allows you to tune out all the unnecessary noise from others and yourself. You can start by implementing healthy eating habits, exercising, meditation, and spirituality.

5. Affirmations- Each week I feed myself positive affirmations. When I start second guessing myself, I go to my affirmation for the week. When you speak life into yourself you tend to stay on the right path and accomplish whatever you put your mind to.

6. Define your happiness- Ask yourself, “What makes me happy?” It helps you get into the habit of putting yourself first and checking in with your feelings.

7. Have a healthy Support System- I can’t express how helpful it is to have healthy and positive family, friends, and coworkers. Having positive support around you really comes in handy.

8. Not being afraid- Don’t allow fear to get in the way of what you need. Go for it. No one can get in the way of what’s meant for you.

9. Self-Love- Self-love is the best love. When you love yourself and know who you are, no one can steal that from you.

10. Journaling- Journaling your thoughts is a healthy way to release energy that doesn’t belong to you. As humans we tend to suppress our feelings. Journaling is a healthy way of coping when you feel like you can’t talk to someone in that moment. It helps you identify what you are feeling when you can’t verbally express it.